Substance and Soul

Emma's first post

MotherhoodSamantha WetterholmComment

Hey everyone, Emma here. Mom is knee deep in bottle-washing and laundry-doing so I decided to take over her blog today. She’s also pouring herself another glass of purple stuff. She gets much louder when that happens. It’s tough taking care of her. She’s a mess.

So life is pretty good over on these parts. I am almost four months old now so I feel like I pretty much have stuff figured out by now. I mean it’s not like I’m two months old or anything. I started school a few weeks ago so that’s been cool. Not to brag or anything, but I m really good at laying there and playing with my toys. I can also hold objects and drool all over them. I’ll start calculus in a couple weeks. No autographs please.

Dang it you puffy owl you. Stop rolling away.

I don’t want to sound like a square or anything, but it’s been cool living with my parents. They don’t charge rent and the milk flows free. They mostly smell good and pick me up whenever I “cry”. Don’t tell them, but I’m not always serious about it. What does a girl have to do to get some attention around here?! My favorite drink is milk straight from the tap, but domestic bottles will do. Seriously, have you guys tried it? It’s fantastic. 

I’ve been doing all my workouts lately. I roll back to front and front to back. I do some push ups and leg raises. I’m working on some good muscles. Now if only I could coordinate my arms and legs at the same time. Then I could start crawling…and maybe be the next ninja warrior. Fingers crossed guys.

Check out these leg muscles. Don’t tell me you’re not impressed!

I think there is some serious wizardry going on over here. Mom covers her face with her hands and disappears. I’m totally serious. It’s wild. Something about peak-a-b…or whatever. But it’s crazy. I also like this game where dad throws me up in the air and then mom yells. It’s HILARIOUS. Mr. Seahorse and I laugh about it all the time.

OH. Have you heard about these things called baths? Holy sweet pumpkins, they are heavenly. I love to splash in the water and they always have nice smelling soap for me. Plus, you can just pee whenever you want. It’s not like I don’t do that all the time anyway…

I was attempting my best batman impression. Mom said I looked more like Professor Snape.

My hobbies include watching sports, keeping up with current events, and eating my own toes. I have many and varied interests. I obviously have to start thinking about my college applications. I figure I will probably be walking by then so I’m good. Mom keeps saying she can’t wait to move away to college with me and live in the dorms together. I keep telling her she’s insane. I’ll let you know who caves first.

My toys and I have a pool going for when Auntie Grace is going to give me a cousin. My bet is on 6 months. I wish I could see my Auntie Mariah more. She keeps saying she is going to take me to get my first tattoo. I’m thinking a Socrates quote, you know, something classy.

Yes! My feet almost touch the floor! …And I may not have best spatial awareness.

We are going to Lake Tahoe next weekend. Good thing because I am in need of a vacation. I am exhausted and moody. Mom says that I’m teething. If that means gremlins are punching my gums from the inside and making me want to gnaw on everything I see, then yes, I’m teething. Semantics.

Okay, I need an opinion. What is funnier? Spit up in mom’s hair or all down dad’s back? I mean they are both pretty classic, but I am going for the evil genius baby award.

This woman is so clueless to my master plans. Mwahahaha.

Welp, it was fun chatting with you guys. I think mom is wondering where I’ve snuck off to. She probably thinks I’m “sleeping”. Speaking of sleeping, writing this post was pretty exhausting. I think I’ll take a nap.