Action packed

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Action packed

Is there a word or term for being busy by purposefully making oneself Not Busy? Well, that’s what I’ve been up to lately. Trying hard to stay unbusy. Busy-free. Busyless?

What.

Mostly, that means spending time with my family and avoiding over-committing. That means unplugging from social media and reading more. That means—dare I say it—mindfulness. I’ve been taking stock at what fills my days and where I expend emotional energy. Don’t get me wrong, I still have a lot on my plate. By nature of working full-time out of the home and raising four kiddos, my days are filled. But when I have the opportunity to make a choice to how I spend my time and on what I spend my energy, I’ve had to do some soul-searching.

Something I’ve noticed during my time in therapy and in reflective prayer, I tend to cope by withdrawing. I put my headphones in and shut down. So it takes conscious effort and daily practice to lean into the discomfort, the messiness, the chaos. But it’s been fruitful. It’s been joy-filled.

Have I been overwhelmed by this new-found focus? Yes. Have I been happy every minute of it? Nope. But it’s yielded something good. And I’m looking forward to exploring this more.

And what does this all look like in practice? Well, I’ll show ya.

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Realizations

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Realizations

During a recent prayer time, I was quietly fuming. I sat in front of the Blessed Sacrament and was just angry. I was spewing out frustration, anger, hurt, and a myriad of other unpleasant emotions.

My prayer journaling became more scribbly with too many exclamation points. And “WHY??????”s. But in all His goodness and patience. He just let me rage and spew.

One particular part of what has been on my heart is how I’ve been managing my day-to-day grind. And by managing, I mean NOT MANAGING. The daily to-dos and work and child raising has been particularly challenging lately. My anxiety has been through the roof and I’ve been struggling with cooling my temper, modulating my reactions and responses, and showing up with love for my family.

In my rage and frustration, I threw it back at God.

Why have you called me to motherhood and public health if I’m just going to break under the pressure of it all and fall short again and again?!

Short temper. Check.
Eye rolling. Check.
Spiraling. Check.
Crying. CHECK.
Numbing. Check.
Self-loathing. Double check.

But again, in His love and perfection, He threw it back to me.

Samantha, instead of reacting, just pray. Stop what you’re doing in that moment and pray. Stop spiraling. Start praying.

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Luca's Birth Story

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Luca's Birth Story

If you have been following me on the gram, you’ll know that we welcomed our fourth child into the world on December 18, 2020. He’s such a joy and a cutie pie and it’s basically baby spam 24/7 over on my Instagram if you want to marvel at his squishy cheeks.

Having a baby around Christmas time is busier than I anticipated it to be, plus with living in a global pandemic, work, and school stuffs, I am finally sitting down to type out Luca’s birth story (monthsssss later, fourth kiddo problems). So cozy up with your favorite beverage, your phone, and get ready for a tale.

PER USUAL, I had prodromal labor with this pregnancy just like the others. The Braxton Hicks contractions started around 20 weeks and just did not let up until the little man emerged earth side. I think with work being especially hectic and stressful, my contractions started much earlier in the pregnancy. But knowing it was going to last a while, I just learned to live with it on the daily.

But rewind to November 2020. I decided that I would take a full 3-4 weeks prior to the baby being born to start my maternity leave. With the added stress at work and navigating online school for my daughter, I was especially worn out by 8 months of pregnancy. After the Thanksgiving holiday, I stayed home to prepare for the baby, help with Emma’s schooling, and “rest”.

AIR QUOTES.

Rest? Ha. Any who.

During the first week of December, we took a family trip to Lake Tahoe. We stayed at a little resort and enjoyed some time in the snow. Basically that meant the kids sliding on their butts down a tiny hill and watching lots of TV in front of a fireplace. My contractions were really picking up during our vacation and I was worried I’d go into full-blown labor four hours away from our hospital. I breathed through nightly contractions but had to remind myself to just chill out because I didn’t need to exhaust myself before the baby even came.

Chill out? HA! Any who.

On our way home from the trip, I had strong contractions. I even threw up from them. But by the time we made it home, they had calmed down. We unpacked and settled in for a longer wait.

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Back from the blog grave

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Back from the blog grave

Hey, remember when I used to blog regularly, well semi-regularly, well more than ONCE A YEAR. Those were simpler times. I was debating whether to do a whole, let me update you on everything that has happened since my last blog post but that seems tedious and also 2020 has been crazy enough for most of us.

And while I don’t want to simply do a recap post, I do want to start up regular blogging again. I have always enjoyed it and I miss writing here. I have been doing more microblogging of sorts over on my Instagram, so I love you all for following along there. I tend to alternate between feelings posting and topical here are my cute kids posting, which makes sense for Instagram methinks. But this is my original, the OG, my first true writing love and I just want to reunite with this here platform.

So welcome back loyal reader, it’s nice to see you again.

Oh yeah, most notably, we are expecting again. We will be saying hi to a new little brother around Christmas 2020. We are excited and very tired already ha.

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At the zoo

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At the zoo

Theo turned one on Saturday and we had a simply wonderful weekend. My mom was in town to celebrate with us and it was equal parts fun and relaxation, excitement and calm. It was the perfect birthday weekend.

Theo tried his first piece of cake (in the form of a vanilla cupcake) and on Sunday we went to the zoo. We have a family membership to our local zoo and it is always a hit when we go. There is this fantastic gondola that takes you high above the trees and overlooks Oakland, Alameda, and out to San Francisco. The kids played and watched the animals and we just enjoyed one another. I am just happy, that is all!

And on to photos!

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