Motherhood

Realizations

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Realizations

During a recent prayer time, I was quietly fuming. I sat in front of the Blessed Sacrament and was just angry. I was spewing out frustration, anger, hurt, and a myriad of other unpleasant emotions.

My prayer journaling became more scribbly with too many exclamation points. And “WHY??????”s. But in all His goodness and patience. He just let me rage and spew.

One particular part of what has been on my heart is how I’ve been managing my day-to-day grind. And by managing, I mean NOT MANAGING. The daily to-dos and work and child raising has been particularly challenging lately. My anxiety has been through the roof and I’ve been struggling with cooling my temper, modulating my reactions and responses, and showing up with love for my family.

In my rage and frustration, I threw it back at God.

Why have you called me to motherhood and public health if I’m just going to break under the pressure of it all and fall short again and again?!

Short temper. Check.
Eye rolling. Check.
Spiraling. Check.
Crying. CHECK.
Numbing. Check.
Self-loathing. Double check.

But again, in His love and perfection, He threw it back to me.

Samantha, instead of reacting, just pray. Stop what you’re doing in that moment and pray. Stop spiraling. Start praying.

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Back from the blog grave

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Back from the blog grave

Hey, remember when I used to blog regularly, well semi-regularly, well more than ONCE A YEAR. Those were simpler times. I was debating whether to do a whole, let me update you on everything that has happened since my last blog post but that seems tedious and also 2020 has been crazy enough for most of us.

And while I don’t want to simply do a recap post, I do want to start up regular blogging again. I have always enjoyed it and I miss writing here. I have been doing more microblogging of sorts over on my Instagram, so I love you all for following along there. I tend to alternate between feelings posting and topical here are my cute kids posting, which makes sense for Instagram methinks. But this is my original, the OG, my first true writing love and I just want to reunite with this here platform.

So welcome back loyal reader, it’s nice to see you again.

Oh yeah, most notably, we are expecting again. We will be saying hi to a new little brother around Christmas 2020. We are excited and very tired already ha.

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Theo at one year | Happy Birthday!

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Theo at one year | Happy Birthday!

Mr. Theophilus is one year old today!

Hold me.

He is fearless, sassy, loving, and joyful. I’m not going to lie. When I found out I was pregnant with Theo, I was completely overwhelmed at the thought of three (!!!) children. But now that he has been earth side for this past year, I am convinced that he was always meant to be ours. He is a balm to my anxious heart. And I am completely in love with this boy.

Our Theo has four teeth, is a walking champion, loves to eat, and dances to any and all music.

He loves to play with Emma and Henry and always wants to be part of the action. He takes excellent naps but we are still working on the through the night sleeping. He will be starting at the same pre-school/daycare that Henry is at now in a week and we’ll be saying goodbye to our phenomenal nanny. But I am looking forward to only one morning drop-off for the boys.

Never did I picture myself with three children. I always knew I wanted children, but my love of dentistry was so deeply ingrained that I never pictured the family life sides of things. And now that I am over five years into parenthood, I know that this is what I’ve been put on this earth to do.

To love my husband, to raise these children, and try to get us all to heaven.

I am grateful that I was entrusted to raise them. Emma, Henry, and Theophilus are my heart walking around outside my body. And on this day of celebration, I am reminded again of how deeply I love them and how much I’ve been gifted in motherhood.

God bless you sweet Theophilus Sebastian on your first birthday. We love you!

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Big things and small things

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Big things and small things

IT’S RETREAT WEEK.

In case you did not sense it, I am very excited to go on my retreat this weekend. I will be flying to see my beautiful friends as we get some much needed rest and spiritual renewal. IT’S RETREAT WEEK! A;JSDLKJF!

Any who, last week was full of big things and small things. It’s funny, something seemingly small like a kiddo getting dressed by himself or a baby signing “more” or a proud kindergartner showing off her desk are actually huge. My children are growing and thriving before my eyes and I could not be more grateful to be their mother. At the same time, as they grow, it seems like I’m being stretched in more directions. They all need me, all the time, even when they don’t think they do. It’s the conundrum of motherhood.

I felt a sense of peace wash over me the past week. I feel like I managed all the ups and downs of the week with my sanity (and a little grace) intact. I am grateful.

So today - I am grateful. And I just wanted to share that.

But on to the juicy stuff. Or the mundane stuff, depending on how you look at it. My gauge of what is interesting is limited to what’s the latest in the dental journal and what is going on with my kids sleeping patterns, ha!

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Theo at eleven months

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Theo at eleven months

Theophilus is eleven months old!

Theo turned eleven months old a couple of days ago and that made me realize I HAVE LESS THAN A MONTH TO PLAN HIS BIRTHDAY PARTY…

…which will mostly consist of costco foods and drinks and people over at the house. I know, we are party animals.

Well, this was an eventful month. Theo has discovered that if he screams, he can get what he wants. He found that out before we did because we kept responding with hugs and kisses and ARE YOU OKAYs, but we’ve got his number. We’ve figured him out. Sneaky little thing.

Actually, he is not so little. He is a giant by baby standards. Well by my standards. He has huge feet and I am going to need to buy him SIZE 5 shoes soon. He is also fully into 12 month clothing and even then, the tee shirts are like crop tops.

He is also adventurous and truthfully, fearless. He’s going to make me nervous than the other two combined, and they are pretty wild too. He’s the play in the toilet, eat rocks, try to escape the house kind of kid.

He cut a couple more teeth this week and that means we didn’t sleep much this week. I think we’re going to try to transition him to one long nap per day instead of two, so wish us luck. Well, wish our amazing luck.

Theo is always on the move, always has a huge smile, and will always find ways to get into trouble. Happy eleven months baby boy.

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