Motherhood

Theo at five months

Theo at five months

(Not so) little baby Theo turns five months old today. He is basically almost one which is basically almost eighteen and that’s basically almost married! HOLD ME.

Theo is such a joyful baby. Seriously. His smiles light up the room and his giggles are music to my ears. As joyful as he is, he can be equally opinionated when tired and/or hungry so watch out.

This month, the newest accomplishment in baby town is CRAWLSCOOTING. What’s crawl scooting you ask? Well it’s when he is on all fours like he’s about to crawl and rocks back and forth then plops down on his tummy and then rotates a bit and pushes himself around on his tummy.

Um, you may just have to trust me on this one.

He is definitely more mobile and active. I think he’s going through a leap of some kind, because his napping and eating habits are changing. He’s doing about 2-3 long naps during the day. He is also my best sleeper of the bunch, hands down. At this age, Emma and Henry had NO interest in long snoozes in their cribs, but this one naps like a champ. PRAISETHELORD.

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On the day I return to work

On the day I return to work

My dear Theo, 

Things may seem different today. You do not have a concept of time quite yet, but you may feel that things are different. You may be wondering where I am or why I’m missing from your day. Well sweet boy, I have returned to my work outside the home. At home, I take care of you and your big sister and brother, but at work I take care of other people who need me. It is important work, I think. But I want you to know, raising you and your siblings is the most important work I’ll ever do, the most important thing I’ll ever do.

I want you to know that I love what I do outside the home too. I love taking care of my patients and making them smile. I hope I am part of, however small that part is, improving their quality of life. I hope they feel that I care and that I empathize and that I want to be a partner in care with them.

I also want to show you, Emma, and Henry that you can use those qualities God has given you to help others and be uniquely able to improve the lives of others by your own special gifts. I have felt called to care for this population of patients and I hope one day you answer whatever call God puts on your heart.

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Here we are

Here we are

It’s happening. I am attempting to sleep train Theo. Currently on this Monday night, I am hiding on the couch in the dark trying not to let him smell me (those infants have the noses of blood hounds for that breastmilk). My bff Grace gave Theo a Merlin’s Magic Sleep Suit (google it) for Christmas and I am attempting its magic. For both Emma and Henry we failed (read: currently failing) miserably at sleep training. In fact, Paul is laying down with Henry in his bed because he still cannot fall asleep alone.

So this is me, a 29 year-old mom to three kids under five. I’m hiding in the dark living room trying not to make any noise (and praying my typing is not too loud) and listening for the baby to fall asleep in his crib alone.

Ope, just heard him crying. Let’s see if he self-soothes or if I have to go back in there.

Okay, I did have to go in there but I cuddled him for about two minutes and put him back down. Guys, this may work (she says as she holds her breath, crosses her fingers, makes a sign of the cross, throws salt over her shoulder, makes a wish on a birthday candle, breaks a wish bone in half, douses crib in holy water).

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Am I saying yes?

Am I saying yes?

This has been a crying week so far. I don’t know if it’s the post-travel blues or postpartum hormonal shifts or what, but I have been emotional the past few days. Do you ever have those days? You know, when everything just makes you cry (or sob uncontrollably).

Theo cooed and smiled at me. I cried. 
I watched the series finale of Once Upon A Time. I cried. 
I picked Emma and Henry up early from school and they were so happy to see me. I cried.
Dinner was ready and on the table for Paul when he got home after a stressful day at work. I cried.
I made a carrot cake (from the box) and it was so beautiful. I cried.

Lots of happy crying. 
But there was some of the other kind of crying too.

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Ordinary time

Ordinary time

Advent is quickly approaching. It’s a time of preparation, of waiting, of anticipation. It’s as if we spend the month holding our breaths — waiting for the sweetest exhalation in seeing our Savior born humbly into the arms of our Blessed Mother and inhaling the deepest joy in His coming into the world.

But ordinary time — that’s my sweet spot. It’s the everyday sweet of simply being. It’s not my time of deep introspection and examination or reevaluation and coming into something new. It’s my time to just be with the Lord as He walks with me through this life. It is the daily grind and the fought bed times and the piles of laundry and the unanswered emails and the grocery shopping and the appointments.

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