Faith, Grace, and the Unknown

Happy Friday to you all! Deep post comin’ up!

I’m having one of those moods where I am over thinking and dwelling. As you may know, today is my last day of maternity leave and I head back to school on Monday. While I’m excited to get back on track towards finishing my DDS, I am having a lot of anxiety about leaving Emma.

I’m sure all you parents out there know how hard it is to leave your child. Up until about a couple weeks ago, I was feeling okay about going back to school. It always felt a little ways off. Now that it is just around the corner, I’m having serious apprehension about returning.

While I’ve never doubted that I would return to school, I feel guilty about leaving Emma and upset that I will miss the little things (or heaven forbid, the big milestones). I know my trepidation is normal, even expected, but my heart is disquieted about not being at home with her every day. 

I think what worries me most is the unknown. I don’t know how she will handle our separation, I don’t know how I will handle our separation, I don’t know what it will be like to leave her with someone else day after day.

The unknown is a scary thing. I believe that most of our fears and anxieties come from not knowing what is on the other side or what the possibilities may be. Are we really afraid of heights or what happens when we fall? Are we anxious about changing our environment or about not knowing what will happen once we get there?

At the end of the day all I have is faith. I have to believe that she will be in good hands, that she will be safe, that she will be happy. I have faith that my decision to return to school and complete my degree will ultimately benefit my family. Though I will not be there with her during the day, I will be next to her all through the night. I will continue to breastfeed while I’m with her and pump for her when we are apart. She will be in my thoughts every moment. 

God is good and has graced my family with infinite blessings. I will rely on His grace to maintain my faith. I believe that Emma will remain a happy and healthy little girl. Whenever I start to feel anxious about our separation, I will turn to God’s grace to get me through. His grace will always find me.

P.S. And on a great note, Emma slept eight hours last night! Sleep training may be a workin’.

P.P.S. Check back in tomorrow for Emma’s two-month update!