Today over on the Blessed Is She Instagram taking over the Instastories to talk about this month’s virtue: self-control. I felt called to expand a little on what we were talking about over there.
I’m going to admit something to you. It may be no surprise or a complete shock or somewhere in between to read this. But, I have trouble with obsessive compulsive tendencies and controlling my environment. It has manifested differently over the years and depending on what life state I am in at the moment.
But I thought, if I’m going to talk about it, then let’s really talk about it and dig in. Now, in regards to self-control, I have not struggled with issues with food or substances or other addictions. But I do struggle with the need to control what is going on around me.
Someone once asked me, “How do you keep your home so organized and clean with young kids and working full-time?” Well, when I’m being superficial or blasé about it, I’ll say something like, Oh you know, everything has it’s place and I do a little every day so it doesn’t become too chaotic.
But when I’m being truthful, I say, it’s because I cannot function well in chaos and I have the need to control my environment especially when I feel I cannot control other things going on around me.
Does this happen to you? It’s something I struggle with daily, even hourly if I’m being honest. I will sometimes yell at my kids if they spill (but they’re kids, they spill!) or I will make my husband get off the couch so I can fluff the pillows (but he’s sitting there, what am I doing??!). I can’t just sit down and relax, I have to make sure the entire kitchen is clean before I exhale.
During seasons of change or stress, I am even worse at exhibiting self-control in these areas. I’ll go on literal rampages around the house and lament about how everything is terrible and no one helps me (<— which is not true).
Thankfully, I have a tremendous husband who recognizes when I start to spiral and he steps in. My amazing children are so forgiving when I am impatient.
It has taken years to recognize my triggers and how certain obsessive behaviors are not healthy and I am learning to deal with them. I have my support system, I rely on prayer, I have had seasons of needing medication or therapy for anxiety, and I am finally being honest with myself.
Will the world end if someone did not use a coaster? No, probably not. But my family and I will suffer if I don’t recognize when I am struggling with my obsessions and don’t exercise self-control.
I was not even planning on writing this today, but alas, I felt that nudge from the Holy Spirit. What are some self-control thing you struggle with? Let’s talk about it.