Self-control struggle

Today over on the Blessed Is She Instagram taking over the Instastories to talk about this month’s virtue: self-control. I felt called to expand a little on what we were talking about over there.

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I’m going to admit something to you. It may be no surprise or a complete shock or somewhere in between to read this. But, I have trouble with obsessive compulsive tendencies and controlling my environment. It has manifested differently over the years and depending on what life state I am in at the moment.

But I thought, if I’m going to talk about it, then let’s really talk about it and dig in. Now, in regards to self-control, I have not struggled with issues with food or substances or other addictions. But I do struggle with the need to control what is going on around me.

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Someone once asked me, “How do you keep your home so organized and clean with young kids and working full-time?” Well, when I’m being superficial or blasé about it, I’ll say something like, Oh you know, everything has it’s place and I do a little every day so it doesn’t become too chaotic.

But when I’m being truthful, I say, it’s because I cannot function well in chaos and I have the need to control my environment especially when I feel I cannot control other things going on around me.

Does this happen to you? It’s something I struggle with daily, even hourly if I’m being honest. I will sometimes yell at my kids if they spill (but they’re kids, they spill!) or I will make my husband get off the couch so I can fluff the pillows (but he’s sitting there, what am I doing??!). I can’t just sit down and relax, I have to make sure the entire kitchen is clean before I exhale.

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During seasons of change or stress, I am even worse at exhibiting self-control in these areas. I’ll go on literal rampages around the house and lament about how everything is terrible and no one helps me (<— which is not true).

Thankfully, I have a tremendous husband who recognizes when I start to spiral and he steps in. My amazing children are so forgiving when I am impatient.

It has taken years to recognize my triggers and how certain obsessive behaviors are not healthy and I am learning to deal with them. I have my support system, I rely on prayer, I have had seasons of needing medication or therapy for anxiety, and I am finally being honest with myself.

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Will the world end if someone did not use a coaster? No, probably not. But my family and I will suffer if I don’t recognize when I am struggling with my obsessions and don’t exercise self-control.

I was not even planning on writing this today, but alas, I felt that nudge from the Holy Spirit. What are some self-control thing you struggle with? Let’s talk about it.