Oh. Is it morning already?

This was my first thought when Emma woke up screaming for the ten zillionth time on Saturday night/Sunday morning. Paul informs me that it is 5 am and queue the inner screaming tantrum session in my head. 

Can I just say? I hate teeth right now. Well, I hate little milk teeth that are Trojan-horsing it out of my gremlin’s gum sheath like the b****** they are. (If I sound angry, it is due to the lack of sleep, extra drool on my clothing, and the soundtrack of baby screams going on in our home right now).

I put out a desperate plea Tweet or two about what you all do for your teething bebes and I promptly ordered a Baltic amber teething necklace that was recommended. Thank the sweet Lord for Amazon prime two-day shipping. We will see if it works. 

Even though it is World War III in Emma’s mouth right now, I snapped a few photos like a mom armed with a camera. Click click bang. #sharpshooter 

In case you were wondering, this is the face of non-stop teething, congested sinuses, and I’ll-be-having-none-of that. 

Do you see Paul’s legs in the background? Well, he is face down passed out in a pile of pillows. The 3-am shift is a hard one.

*open-mouthed, heavy breathing*

Emma badger is not amused.

You would not want to cross her in a dark alley.

How about no?

Gnaw, gnaw, gnaw, gnaw, gnaw, gnaw. Repeat. 

We have shed quite a few buckets of tears on these parts and prayed for pain relief.

Send ice cream.

Leisurely pursuits

Whenever Samantha the tiger mom decides to put away all of Emma’s toys in her cage corner, Emma’s ears perk up as she waddles over for her favorite hobby - mess making.

“Oh look, a neatly arranged stack of potential atom bombs. Let me show you my mad mess-making skills kind guardian.”

Her eyes glimmer like sparkling angel wings as she shimmies over to pluck every single toy out of its designated place of residence. I have to admit, miss crazy clutter-free, control freak named Samantha prefers the toys nicely arranged by type (and preferably arranged tighter than a tetris board). But watching her pull each toy out, give it a good sniff and lick, and all the smiles that follow are worth every single mess made. Mostly worth it.

Pure bliss.

You would be hard pressed to find a happier tiny human than when this one is rediscovering each little goody in that box. Picture me white knuckling it while she pursues this particular activity until she goes to sleep and I can pounce and clean like the tiger mom we all know and love. Just add wet cheerioes into this mix and I may finally have that coronary.

So happy.

Baby Emma | Ten Months

The Chub Master General turned ten months old today. HOLD ME.

Ten months. That’s two months away from one year. That’s almost 365 days. That’s one year minus 60ish days. I can’t math.

This past month has been quite exciting on these parts. Most notably, she took her first steps! I auditioned her for the next Step Up movie, but they said she has a little too much pizzaz for their franchise. Darn.

Emma’s hair is really starting to grow in. She has these killer bangs and a few little curls hanging down next to her ears. She does, however, have a nice looking bald spot right above her neck fold. I am also very proud to announce that she has officially mastered her “no” head shake. Oh wait, not proud, terrified. That’s what I meant.

Emma badger has been enjoying a variety of new flavors including pizza, orange, vanilla yogurt, dirt, her own snot, and leaves. A foodie in the making? I think so. Quite frankly, she seemed most excited about the dirt.

We also celebrated her first Valentine’s Day! We enjoyed a romantic dinner and she serenaded us with her pterodactyl screams when we didn’t let her try our wine. We did let her lick on some chocolate. She’s a goner.

I know! I didn’t know Lady Gaga could sing that well either.

Speaking of music. This girl is all about that bass. She regularly dances, claps, and squeals along with any and all music. She also enjoys standing on her tip-toes so I am thinking a prima ballerina who is first violin and discovers the cure for cancer while being elected president of the world. So no pressure.

One of the sweetest things she does is curl up close to me when she is getting tired. She whispers “mama” over and over and makes sweet sounds and hmmms as she tries to fall asleep. No matter how much sleep I lose, holding her while she falls asleep is one of my favorite things about motherhood.

So much sap.

I need to admit something. Lean in closer. Yup that’s right. This motherhood thing is kind of amazing.

Okay, way too much sap fest. 

PHOTO TIME before you all leave me.

Does anyone know what are appropriate first birthday gifts? Because I have no idea. For some reason, a giant stuffed penguin keeps popping up in my mind. But that’s what I want for my next birthday.

As always, check us out on Instagram and get all your Emma monthly updates here.

The motherhood conundrum

Shhh… I have a secret to tell you. So let me break it down for you. Let me tell you a story. Lean in… a little closer, yup that’s right.

Motherhood is weird.

It’s a puzzle. It’s a quandary. It’s the riddle of riddles.

It feels like it was just yesterday that my dental besties were throwing me a baby shower and I was all round and glowy. One year later, I am still round, and kind of glowy. Well, sweaty. Milk stainy? Sexy.

Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like 27% of my momma time is spent ooo-ing and awe-ing over my puddle of squish (the baby, not my stomach pooch) but the rest of the time is pretty normal, pretty ordinary. Just the good ol’ day-to-day ordinary times in the life of an accountant, a dental student, and a circus performer.

There are highs. There are lows. But mostly there are the in-betweens, the middles, the meat in the motherhood sandwich.

Hence, the motherhood conundrum.

(I promise I won’t say hence anymore.)

Maybe all you mommies, daddies, grandpappies, aunties, and lookers-on know what I’m talking ‘bout.

Emma took her first steps last week and now I’m dead. Well not really, but it did floor me and it got me a thinkin’ about this conundrum. You know the one. The one where I want time to simultaneously slow down, speed up, do back flips, go backwards, jump forward, skip to my loo, and slide to the left.

She is always doing these new and amazing things which result in my screeching: 

“LIKE, OMG she’s a genius, we better get her ready for Harvard, she’s the next star athlete, she’s going to be president!”

But then, we switch back to ordinary time and I go: 

“LIKE, OMG she’s just sitting there chewing on her foot and looking at her hands!”

Same reaction.

Before this girl popped out, I always thought motherhood would be full of these high-highs and low-lows. I thought that a baby would either be screaming like a howler monkey or bounding through her milestones like a mini-Einstein. But the truth is, there is all that middle in the day-to-day, the good stuff sandwiched between the highs and lows.

Motherhood. It’s beautiful, it’s messy, it’s crazy, it’s perfect, it’s stinky, it’s whiny, it’s cry-y, it’s snuggly, it’s gross, it’s incredible, it’s difficult, and it’s nothing like you’d expect yet everything more.

Because you love her so deeply that it nearly kills you. Because she’s yours and you are hers. Her momma, her mommy, her mother.

Baby Emma | Nine Months

Nine months. NINE months. N.I.N.E. MONTHS. Nine ladies dancing. 

Emma turned nine months old yesterday and what a month it has been! She has mastered cruising, is moments away from walking, and thinks that ripping my hair out is America’s past time.

Don’t you look all cute and innocent.

We officially started sleep training. Well, half training. Well, we put her in her crib for the first part of the night, then fold like a cheap plastic lawn chair when she wants snuggles in the middle of the night. So in case you were wondering if we are just be old softies, here’s your proof. Grrr.

Either she’s teething or somehow she got whipped cream on her fingers and has found them scrumptious. I’m going with the latter.

Speaking of whipped cream, I let her try some last weekend. We also let her try my vanilla milkshake from In N Out. In case any one was doubting that traits are hereditary, watch her eat a milk shake. She’s the spittin’ image of mommy. I’m so proud.

And you’ll be dating never.

She experienced her first New Year’s celebration. We popped some bubbly and she enjoyed a milkmosa. She did not make it until midnight, but that’s okay. We did…not either. Because you know, baby. 

Emma is also a chatty lady. She says mama, dada, and nana regularly. I think nana means “no” or she is singing “na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye”. Usually she says mama when she’s feeling tired or needs some snuggles and says dada when she wants to play. I’m sensing a trend here…

Watching this little one play, dance, and move are probably the most fascinating things I’ve ever witnessed. As she discovers her surroundings and figures out how things work, I can see the wheels turning in her mind. I swoon and gush and awe and wonder how life can be so sweet. 

I know, you’re gagging now.

On to photos!

I want to spread her on a cracker.

As always, check us out on Instagram and get all your Emma updates here.