If you have been following along here for a while, you may have noticed that it’s been quiet around here. This might have been the longest writing hiatus I’ve taken since I started blogging back in 2011 (?). Well, I’ve still been microblogging over at Instagram but I haven’t had the wherewithal to write here in a while.
It’s been a busy, hectic, stressful, anxiety-inducing, joyful, wondrous past few months. Ups, downs, and sideways. I want to try to fill you in on the highlights and lowlights, because I’m all about keeping it real and authentic (gag).
But if you’re not in for a wordy post here is the tl;dr gist — The kids are good, I’m just okay, but I’m surrounded by support and love.
Now for the meaty bits.
The biggest news is that my anxiety has flared up. It’s been an exceptionally challenging few months. I finally reached out to a mental health provider to start on a plan to get better. I’m still searching for a therapist, but I took the first step in asking for help. Believe me, that was the most challenging part. My husband has been supportive, nurturing, and a true partner in all this. Due to my hectic work schedule and the demands of three small children, I wasn’t finding time for myself to decompress or destress. It finally caught up for me and after a few breakdowns, I said enough was enough.
It’s still a process obviously and I haven’t found a therapist yet. But there is something cathartic in the initiation, in the beginning, in the relinquishing of my death grip on everything. Knowing and ADMITTING that I am not well and cannot do it on my own has been a first step in management and recovery. I’m no where near “better” (if there is such a thing) but I’ve been doing some things to help.
Read MoreBefore I say anything, I’d like to give a huge shout out to those of you who take care of little ones at home each day. You’re my heroes. Working outside the home is hard, working in the home is hard, staying home all day with littles is hard, staying away from home all day is hard. Parenting is hard and I just think you are all doing the best you can.
Starting this week, the big kids will be staying home Tuesdays and Wednesdays each week. We wanted to save a bit of childcare money while Paul is home with Theo for two months. So I had all three littles for a couple days this week. It was simultaneously incredibly exhausting and extremely entertaining. It was constant movement and diapers and meal times and staggered nap times and meltdowns and dancing and playtime and errands and chaos and pure bliss.
I have been an emotional mess this week leading up to my return to work this coming Monday. But spending uninterrupted time with my sweet babies — in all the crazy, beautiful chaos — has been just what I needed. Here’s a photo and video dump for memory’s sake. Hand me the tissues.
Read MoreIt’s happening. I am attempting to sleep train Theo. Currently on this Monday night, I am hiding on the couch in the dark trying not to let him smell me (those infants have the noses of blood hounds for that breastmilk). My bff Grace gave Theo a Merlin’s Magic Sleep Suit (google it) for Christmas and I am attempting its magic. For both Emma and Henry we failed (read: currently failing) miserably at sleep training. In fact, Paul is laying down with Henry in his bed because he still cannot fall asleep alone.
So this is me, a 29 year-old mom to three kids under five. I’m hiding in the dark living room trying not to make any noise (and praying my typing is not too loud) and listening for the baby to fall asleep in his crib alone.
Ope, just heard him crying. Let’s see if he self-soothes or if I have to go back in there.
Okay, I did have to go in there but I cuddled him for about two minutes and put him back down. Guys, this may work (she says as she holds her breath, crosses her fingers, makes a sign of the cross, throws salt over her shoulder, makes a wish on a birthday candle, breaks a wish bone in half, douses crib in holy water).
Read MoreIn honor of the new year, I thought I would write a family update. I am grateful for our health and for our cozy home on our little island. 2018 was full of big changes, events, and surprises. I know I am looking forward to the year ahead — with all its ups and downs, family, friends, and faith. I present to you the State of the Hive Address.
Read MoreQuiet mornings. Sounds like an oxymoron around here, huh? From the second we wake up, it’s go, go, go. Even while I am on maternity leave and don’t have to “be anywhere”, it’s still breakfast chaos, making lunches, getting dressed, diapers, buckets of hair detangler spray, and hustling the family out the door. But sometimes, miraculously, it is quiet. The baby is sleeping soundly on my chest, the big kids are still curled up in their beds, and the crisp December air permeates the house. I sneak into the kitchen, make a latte, and marvel at the silence. I soak it in.
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