Life
Have a wonderful 4th of July everyone! Enjoy the day with family and friends and remember to stay safe out there (drink and play responsibly). This is one of my favorite holidays. I love the summer night, the celebrations, and the fireworks. I am proud to be an American.
‘MERICA
Woah, I’m posting really late today.
Duh, duh, duhhhh. Today, I returned to school after my maternity leave. I think I made it out alive, I think… It was excruciating to leave her this morning, but with a lot of prayers and prayers from others, I made it through. I was a blubbery sap this morning, but I know Emma was in great hands with my mom.
Here are last week’s photos.
TWENTY-THREE I washed all the bottles! Whew. Getting ready for my mom to watch Emma.
TWENTY-FOUR She’s got some serious eyebrow raises going on.
TWENTY-FIVE Baby burritos are delicious, aren’t they?
TWENTY-SIX Melting my heart! I can’t even stand it.
TWENTY-SEVEN So if anyone is missing a chin, we have a few extra over here.
TWENTY-EIGHT She’s really nailed the whole soul-piercing gaze thing.
Happy Friday to you all! Deep post comin’ up!
I’m having one of those moods where I am over thinking and dwelling. As you may know, today is my last day of maternity leave and I head back to school on Monday. While I’m excited to get back on track towards finishing my DDS, I am having a lot of anxiety about leaving Emma.
I’m sure all you parents out there know how hard it is to leave your child. Up until about a couple weeks ago, I was feeling okay about going back to school. It always felt a little ways off. Now that it is just around the corner, I’m having serious apprehension about returning.
While I’ve never doubted that I would return to school, I feel guilty about leaving Emma and upset that I will miss the little things (or heaven forbid, the big milestones). I know my trepidation is normal, even expected, but my heart is disquieted about not being at home with her every day.
I think what worries me most is the unknown. I don’t know how she will handle our separation, I don’t know how I will handle our separation, I don’t know what it will be like to leave her with someone else day after day.
The unknown is a scary thing. I believe that most of our fears and anxieties come from not knowing what is on the other side or what the possibilities may be. Are we really afraid of heights or what happens when we fall? Are we anxious about changing our environment or about not knowing what will happen once we get there?
At the end of the day all I have is faith. I have to believe that she will be in good hands, that she will be safe, that she will be happy. I have faith that my decision to return to school and complete my degree will ultimately benefit my family. Though I will not be there with her during the day, I will be next to her all through the night. I will continue to breastfeed while I’m with her and pump for her when we are apart. She will be in my thoughts every moment.
God is good and has graced my family with infinite blessings. I will rely on His grace to maintain my faith. I believe that Emma will remain a happy and healthy little girl. Whenever I start to feel anxious about our separation, I will turn to God’s grace to get me through. His grace will always find me.
P.S. And on a great note, Emma slept eight hours last night! Sleep training may be a workin’.
P.P.S. Check back in tomorrow for Emma’s two-month update!
So after nearly three months of being locked up at home in our tiny little one bedroom apartment and two months of being slaves to a brand new little one, we finally got out of town to see the family down in Southern California. Emma wanted us to show her off.
Wasn’t she just a peach to take the first leg of the trip?
We left Saturday morning to see Paul’s family first. They pounced on Emma like she was a piece of cake. But who can blame ‘em? We made our rounds. Everybody, meet Emma! Emma meet everybody!
Sunday was Father’s Day and Emma and I started off by jumping on Paul’s face to wake him up. Okay maybe we didn’t jump, but Emma gave him some slobbery kisses and a big poop. Same thing, right?
We had a BBQ at Paul’s grandma’s house and took Emma for her first swim. After we slathered on 2,138 ounces of baby sunscreen, we took a little dip. Her facial expressions didn’t scream joy, so hopefully she doesn’t run away from home.
Once we got over the new environment adjustment (aka, screaming for three hours straight), Emma slept like a hibernating bear. In fact, so did I. Remind me to get a king-sized foam mattress one of these days. Sweet Jesus, it’s heavenly.
Okay, so there is this AMAZING ice cream and candy store in Paul’s hometown called Dewar’s Candy Shop and I definitely went there three times in four days. If 20 pints of peppermint ice cream is wrong, then I don’t want to be right! I could probably write a whole post about their sundaes alone, but not everyone is as insane for ice cream as I am.
Our nieces loved Emma too. I’m sure they would have tried to smother her in kisses if I hadn’t enforced the baby bubble. Emma needs a few more shots until I throw her into the germ colosseum then, you’re up kid.
Emma also experienced her first heat wave and I was reminded of what it was like to grow up in Southern California. Holy chocolate starfish batman, it was HOT. Like sweating on everything I sit on, hot. Like fry eggs on the sidewalk, hot. My legs were whiter than a Southern Belle’s coming out party, but it was nice to get some sun. I’m sure my skin cells are still in shock.
After a few days with Paul’s family, we headed down to see mine. Thankfully our families only live about an hour apart so we can hit up all the peeps whenever we’re down South. Emma finally got to meet my sister and her auntie! They have the same birthday and the same nose, twinsies!
Emma pulled out all the stops and was especially cute, obviously. We went to some restaurants, shared some drinks, and watched some musicals. It was gooooood. We have to get started on the show tunes early, ya know?
She is also working on some pretty awesome fat rolls. Maybe I need to stop mixing doughnuts into her milk. P.S. That’s Reginald, her new unicorn from her Auntie.
These photos have earned her a new nickname: Chubs McGee.
Thursday and Friday we spent time with the family. I also ate 15 billion bagels from my favorite bagel place in the whole wide world. They must be made with sorcery. How else could they taste so dang good? I need them to deliver a dozen to my apartment, erra. single. day.
Wow, I sure do talk about food a lot. Breastfeeding, ya’ll. Any who…
I am convinced that she is taking human growth hormone. She is growing right before my eyes. STAHP IT.
Saturday was my sister’s graduation party! They grow up so fast don’t they? The whole extended family came over. We ate. We laughed. We played cards. Now, if you’ve ever been to a gathering at my parent’s house you may be reminded of The Hunger Games. Basically, the food is all laid out and 192480 hands jump on the table and all that’s left are crumbs and broken hearts. Okay, not broken hearts, but maybe broken fingers if you are going after the same piece of cake as someone else. It’s a blood bath, and I love it.
We also practiced the dance from Dirty Dancing. Nobody puts baby in a corner. Shout out to Emma and my darling husband for letting me torture them while trying to take all my ridiculous photos. (Please don’t leave me.)
After a water fight in the backyard and a rousing game of hot potato (Emma was the potato), we finally had a chance to sit down. Emma was mortified that we were wearing color coordinated outfits. I swore it was just a coincidence.
My aunts got to reminiscing about all their babies when they were babies. I guess we’ve gone full circle, eh? Now the babies are having babies. BABIES!
Woah nelly, it’s Monday again!
Welp, we are back in San Francisco trying to get back to our rhythm. Emma was a trooper throughout our trip and only pooped on one person (sorry Katie!). I’ll do a whole trip post later this week.
So I only have one more week of maternity leave left and I’m starting to have those feelings…
Why would I leave my baby?!
I’m a horrible mother
What if she forgets me?
Why do we drive on the parkway and park in the driveway? (Okay I was getting a little existential there)
But I try to silence the little gremlin voice inside my head. I am a good mother and I am doing what’s best for my family in the long run by finishing school and following my career path. Good thing my mom is the first one to watch her after I go back to school Monday, because she won’t mind me harassing her for pictures and updates every 0.20389 seconds.
Here are last week’s photos.
SIXTEEN Is it just me or does she seem to be staring into your soul? That’s one deep baby.
SEVENTEEN “Hey fellas, don’t forget your ticket to the gun show.”
EIGHTEEN I went around Paul’s grandma’s house to take pictures of Paul’s childhood photos. OHMYGOODNESS he was a cute kid.
NINETEEN Like auntie, like niece. I guess big cheeks run in the family.
TWENTY Gahh, she slays me. This girl has some serious rolls going on.
TWENTY-ONE She seriously passes out like a frat boy after Greek week. Am I putting booze in her breast milk or something?
TWENTY-TWO After a long week, we headed home. She’s a great sleeper in the car. If only I could get the car into the apartment for those last night scream sessions. P.S. She loves her new unicorn, Reginald.
Emma has her two-month check up this week. She will probably poop on me for revenge after her shots.