Some (most) of the time, I wonder if I am doing good as a mother. At least for me, motherhood and self-doubt go hand-in-hand (queue the sappy violin music). Between wondering if she is eating well enough or hitting her milestones on time or guilt about her use of the iPad, I'm always wondering. Parenthood is tough and I hope I am doing a good-enough job.
But this afternoon, as I was putting her down for her nap. She looks up to the sky and puts her hands together. She started saying (her version of) prayers. She softly said, "Jesus" several times (sounds like cheese-its, no really) before doing her little version of the sign of the cross. My heart completely melted. It is moments like this that make the self-doubt melt away. I may lose my temper, I may rely on the iPad at times, but I am doing something good. Paul and I are teaching her every day by our example. We are showing her how to love Jesus and His church. It makes me proud. And maybe, just maybe I will be quicker to give myself a break in future.
This Lenten season my word is -- surrender. My prayer is that I surrender myself wholly and completely to this season, His word, and what He has in store for me. May I stop asking for what I want and start asking for what He wants. In this year of mercy, I hope I am forgiving - to others and to myself. I need Him above all else. Always.
May your season of Lent be fruitful in the gifts of the Spirit. May we all be renewed in His promise.
I was praying the Rosary this morning and Emma was curious. She plopped down on my lap and made it through exactly 1.3 Hail Marys before toddling off to destroy my house. Baby steps. Oh life with a toddler.