Henry at eight months

Henry turns eight months today and I am (GASP) writing my blog post on time! #progress

What can I say about this past month that I haven't already gushed about on Instagram? Hmm.

Henry is officially crawling. Which means, I officially have two kids who can go where they want to go. And that officially means I need to up my baby-proofing game before I officially have a mini heart attack.

Henry so far gravitates towards plugs, open doors, and tops of stairs so that's fun. 

He loves food. Loves it. (His poop on the other hand, I do not love.) His favorites are sweet potato, squash, banana, chicken with apples, and his own toes.

Henry has also discovered the joys of hair-pulling. *biggest eye roll ever*

He's sleeping in his crib a bit more but ends up snuggled up between Paul and me most nights because we're big softies. 

I think he's going blonder. Or he is applying sun-in when I'm not looking. He still has the best eyes, in my opinion. They pierce the soul of all who dare to look him in the eyes. You've been warned. 

He's still teething, but no teeth yet. He's less fussy so I'm hoping they aren't bugging him too much anymore.  He is pretty social already and swats at people/other babies when he wants to play with them. So loving right?

Thank GOD he still loves the baby carrier. Without baby wearing I would get exactly NOTHING done. Call me a sucker but I'd rather strap him in, do some dishes, chase Emma, then have him knock out in there then I can plop him in his crib than fight him to sleep.

He went to the snow for the first time and it seems he is more in my camp than Paul's and Emma's. My boy and me are in the camp of: cold = bad, wet and cold = badder, wet and cold and hungry = baddest. 

We clear?

We'll see what this month will bring. Walking? Talking? College apps? 

Honesty is the best policy

...so they say. 

I have been debating writing this post. Mostly because, although I have a social media presence, I am a rather private person. And a conundrum apparently. As I write this, I do not even know what direction I will go. So let's dive in then, shall we?

Life is kicking my butt right now. 

Things are hard. Really hard. Tough. Really tough.

After Henry was born I sunk into deep postpartum anxiety. I did not even know that was a thing. I knew about postpartum depression, but anxiety was not on my radar. I was a wreck. I could not function. I reached out to my doctor for help (which, if you know me was a huge step in and of itself). With some soul-searching, praying, and hand-holding from my dear husband, I started taking medication. It saved me. 

About a month ago, I was feeling like myself again. I went to my doctor and talked with her about weaning off my medication. She gave me a regimen and I was SSRI-free for a couple of weeks. Then things changed.

Henry has started solids which has changed his nursing, eating, sleeping, everything habits. It's all part of his development, of course, but it's been an adjustment. He is also officially on the move, thereby increasing his appetite and making my anxiety flare up again. Emma will be three next month. She has always been on the faster side of emotional development so we are in the heart of the threes (terrible? terrific? terrifying? trying? tumultuous? taxing? tremendous? tough?). 

I also added one day of work per week. Between work, motherhood, home making, marriage, and general life I am stretched thin. The thinnest. The logical, well-rested, confident me knows that playing the comparison game is dangerous. But the exhausted, anxious, and self-conscious me has all the guilt.

It's that heavy, gut-wrenching guilt. That crushing, encompassing guilt.

Why can't I just be grateful? Why can't I keep everything together? Why aren't I just happy for what I have? Why can't I eat better? Why can't I be a better wife? Mother? Dentist? Why does everyone else have their lives together? If I worked more we would be better financially. If I worked less my children would behave better.

And on and on...  

Henry wants to nurse all night, Emma wants to wake up at the crack of dawn, I want to spend time with my husband, I want to take a damn shower.

Where am I going with all of this? Well mostly, I just wanted to because typing it out seems better than getting suffocated by my own guilty conscious. Maybe it will help. Maybe you'll look at me differently. Maybe I should be ashamed. Maybe I'll feel less guilty. 

So until I have things a little more figured out (this may take a while) I will be taking my medication again. Because it keeps me sane. I also need to carve out time for self-care, whatever that looks like. 

Thank you for listening. That is all for now. 

Henry at seven months

These days I'm lucky to get three sit-down meals or more than 6 hours of sleep so I am not surprised that I can't blog regularly. But hey, that's life. 

But any who, Henry turned 7 months and I am not sobbing, you're sobbing! 

Mostly I wanted to stop in and show you pictures of this adorable puddin'. He's almost crawling, sitting up like a champ, and absolutely loves pureed foods (squash and pear for the win). He is a constant source of joy.

Can you be addicted to a tiny human? Asking for a friend. 

He's just cute.

(Shortest post ever.) 

Henry at six months

Hey, new record! Henry's monthly update is over two weeks late this time 'round. But we were celebrating my sister's wedding week when he turned six months old and were busy. The best kind of busy.

But WOWWW. Six months -- what a milestone. He is that much closer to his first birthday. And I already miss this phase of his life. I finally got around to getting his six month check-up this week (#secondkidproblems) and he weighs in a whopping almost 17 pounds.

He is nearly crawling on all fours but has mastered the army scoot and break dancing belly spin. He gets incredibly frustrated when he cannot move exactly where he wants to go. He is nearly sitting up by himself and has had a few stretches of sitting up before face-planting.

Henry - 0 Ground - 1

He is still the most joyful baby you'll ever see. He hands out his smiles like it's going out of style and I'm fairly certain that he gets called beautiful by every stranger at whom he bats his eyes. And don't even get me started about his crocodile tears. This kid is going to get away with everything. 

We introduced solids recently and so far, he's still on the fence. I think it's more of a texture thing than a taste thing but we are experimenting. Banana and avocado are hits so far, that is, whenever Emma is willing to share. 

Speaking of Emma, Henry is completely in love with his big sister. No one keeps him as enthralled, as entertained, or as happy at his sister. It melts my momma heart.

I've mentioned in months past and it's still true -- this kid has the loudest scream I've ever heard. When he gets on a babbling roll, he can wake up the neighbors. It's just so darling at 3 am too.

He's still the earliest riser and has decided that 5 am is party time. It's a party I did not RSVP to but alas, I manage. #coffeecoffeecoffee

He also has the biggest hands and longest fingers known to mankind. Seriously, he should be studied. Future piano player? Basketballer? Cellist? Artist? Surgeon? Expert nose-picker? We'll see.

This past month he went to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, his second wedding, and his second plane trip. Henry Globe Trotter is his new name.

I think this next month we'll see him start to crawl and sit up and now I need to add a trip to the baby-proofing store to my to-do list. 

Happy Henry day!

Henry at five months

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year readers! 

I know, I know what you're thinking... Samantha, you blog too much.

NOT.

I know I have been MIA. But life has caught up to me and I just can't crank them out as frequently. BUT, I think that is okay. I am spending more time with my family, working, and doing other stuff. I want to keep posting, but I am not going to feel guilty about not posting. Can I get an AMEN? 

But as not to deprive you of faces of my squishy and beautiful children, you can always pop by my Instagram where I am known to post on the daily. Or the twice daily when I'm feeling wild.

Any who, I am popping in to give you a little update on Mr. Henry Shark (his new nickname). He turned five months (!!!!) on New Year's Eve! 

Henry breaks the sound barrier on the daily with his yells and screeches. I am not sure how, but he is louder than Paul and Emma combined. It is simultaneously hilarious and shocking. 

He also wants to be part of the action at all times. It does not matter what we are doing, but he wants to be there. 

I don't have much to say for this update because I am still recovering from our holiday festivities and having guests over. But I just love this boy. He brings such joy to our family. 

This morning while we were getting ready for our day, Emma curled up next to him while he was playing on the floor and said, "Baby Henry, you're my best friend." 

And I passed out from the cuteness.