Emma at two years

I can't... she's just... but she... I... GAHHHHH!!! TWO!

And queue the ever popular and cliché momisms.

How is my baby so grown up? Jeez the time flies. The days are long but the years are short. Is this the little girl I carried? As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be. Lady in reddddddd.

Okay, maybe not that last one. But any how, these are clichés for a reason and I am feeling all the melancholy motherhood feelings today. She is two. My sweet girl is TWO. Sniff.

Mothering this little soul is one of the most challenging, rewarding, and phenomenal things I've ever done. She is as much a spitfire, energetic ball of passion as she is a contemplative and observant nurturer.

She stands tall at 35 and 3/4 inches (90th percentile!) and weighs in at 29 and 1/2 pounds. I am picturing the young lady she will become one day. And now I am crying again.

Some notables at two years:

Her vocabulary is exploding and she is saying new words each and every day. This week she said explore, Einstein, and glasses. I am amazed at her physicality and motor control. She walks and runs so steadily, climbs fearlessly, jumps, skips, hops, dances, and plays with so much gusto and pizzaz. When she is not actually sleeping, she is running from place to place or scooting on her tricycle. She sets the pace of our home as soon as she wakes us up every morning.

Music and singing are her passions. She can be doing something and when a favorite song comes on, she will stop whatever she is doing and dance. Her baby doll is her best little friend. She takes such good care of that baby. It's the sweetest thing. Oh, am I crying again?

With all her spunk and passion also comes stubbornness and attitude. The amount of sass that fits in this little person is astounding. She really gives Paul and me a run for our money. She is remorseless after she flings food all over the house and will look you right in the eye and smile before bonking you on the head. She never forgets if you bribe/promise her something and distraction is not an option. If she wants something, she will remember. FOREVER.

But she's also incredibly loving. She is generous with hugs and kisses and if you are lucky enough to slow her down for some snuggles, she is quite the expert. Emma's favorite activities usually involve imitating dear old mom and dad. Whether it's cooking, cleaning, dressing, washing, or whatever, she likes to get in on the action and do as we do.

She does everything we do except the one thing that I would reeeeeally love if she copied - doing her business in the dang toilet. Her interest in potty training only extends to sitting fully clothed on her big girl potty and making "pssssssssing" sounds. When I ask her if she wants to go #2 on the big girl potty she screams no, no, no, no, no and runs away. Great. She will let us know when she is ready to potty train and until then, I'll just have to deal. Battles picked. 

She adores animals, is obsessed with sweets, and is afraid of loud/sudden noises. She loves to read and to be read to, she has to have her favorite stuffies for nap and bed time, and will do the exact opposite of what is asked just to get a rise out of you.

I am in love with this wild girl and I cannot wait to see her as a big sister. Happy birthday beautiful soul. Mommy and daddy love you more than there are stars in the sky.

Tonight we are having a pizza dinner followed by oodles of cake which I am sure I will do an entire post on. ;] 

And in case you're in the mood to reminisce here is Emma's birth story and Emma at one year.  

Crying over couscous

Lest you think it's all sunshine and daisies over in our hive, last night proved that things are not always so peachy keen. But you all know that, don't you? 

Motherhood is hard. Parenthood is hard.

We are one week away from having a full-blown two year-old which means boundary testing, tantrum throwing, strong willed vocalizing, and the like (so I'm told). We have had glimpses and glimmers of this phase for the past few months, but I am sensing a shift in our little universe and some of these challenges are here to stay.

Yesterday was a good day. Until it wasn't. We had a successful outing to Old Navy and Trader Joe's. I know I always push my luck when I try to squeeze in too many errands, but we went early enough and I had a purse filled with her favorite snacks. I am not above bribery. She took a long nap and woke up happy. Her post-nap mood is never predictable. But during dinner, things took a downhill tumble.

I had made a yummy dinner of chicken and couscous from Blue Apron and Paul got home earlier than normal. But some time during dinner, Emma's mood shifted. Suddenly and all at once, she just had to get out of her high chair, she hated everything on her plate, and did not want to see one morsel of food in front of her eyes. That's when the couscous flinging started. I was dumbfounded and she was just so quick.

Somehow she managed to fling couscous all. over. the. place. It was all over the floor, the windows, the curtain, the wall, her hair, my leg, just everywhere.

That's when I lost it.

Call it pregnancy hormones or just good old fashioned motherhood, but I broke down. I had my own fork halfway to my mouth and I just started sobbing. I put my arms over my eyes and just sobbed. Paul went into survival mode and whisked away her plate and any remaining ammunition for the disgruntled tot. And I just sat there and sobbed. Paul tried to be soothing and told me not to look at the mess and to try to enjoy my dinner.

Now it may not seem like a big deal to some and I have survived bigger messes in the past. And I'm sure some of those with multiples would eye roll my reaction. But I could not help it. I was spiraling. I was thinking about life with two and it was stressing me out and seemed impossible. I was picturing this mess but every day and no hands to clean and a nursing baby and a demanding toddler and I lost it over flung couscous.

After I calmed down, we tag-teamed the clean up and after picking up each damn cous (singular?) and doing a quick mopping things seemed a little brighter. A desperate look in my eyes prompted Paul to say, "let's leave the house for a few" and I said, "I need ice cream". So while the floors dried, we went to get my precious ice cream.

Paul adamantly said, "Emma, you don't get ANY ice cream", which made me feel a little better. But at the end of the day this is just a phase (who knows how long it will last) and it is all part of parenthood - the joys, the ups, and the messes, the downs.

I hesitate to call the twos terrible when I know deep down both logically and instinctively that boundary-testing is crucial to development. Learning cause and effect and that one's actions have consequences is a necessary step in the psychosocial grand scheme. But it will probably suck sometimes (or maybe even often times).

So I will just have to cry and take a moment to calm down and maintain some perspective.

It will be tough, but I'm sure I will have many more days that are hard and shitty. But that is life. That is parenthood. That is what I signed up for. I will lean on my husband and my fellow moms. I will hide in the bathroom if needed. I will cry over couscous.

May God give me grace. And some extra grace in the reserves.

And extra scoops.

I am sure the veteran moms of tots have their opinions on the twos and the threes and I'd love to hear any pearls of wisdom...even if your only advice is, "keep the ice cream and wine stocked". 

24 Weeks

This kid is clearly a mover and shaker (and kicker and puncher and roller). He moves. A LOT. I guess I am blessed with wiggly kids because Emma was a mover too. It's pretty beautiful though. I remember feeling such awe over Emma's movements and the second time around is no different. The only difference is that this boy is still hanging out low down in my pelvis so some well placed shots to the bladder are not always as cute.

While Paul and I put Emma to bed each night, we spend some quiet time with baby boy. We lay down and just focus on the movements. Paul enjoys putting his ear on my belly and gets the biggest smile when baby kicks him in the face.

My energy has been high for the most part. The only caveat is the toddler raising and chasing sucks a bit of my second trimester energy away from me and I like to knock out shortly after Emma goes down. I am going to soak in these months where we have finally got Emma sleeping through the night before baby boy comes to shake things up (also known as never sleeping at night newborn phase).

Thankfully these past four weeks have been boring in body land. I've had enough excitement for this pregnancy thank you very much. No illnesses or hospitalizations, score! (*knocks on wood*)

The food cravings have been strong. I mentioned it yesterday that my sweet tooth is off the chaaaarts. I hope my glucose screening in a couple of weeks yields good results. Nervous chuckle...

Emma has taken to kissing my belly so I think she understands that baby bro is in there. I pulled out all the baby linen and clothing to wash last week so we took some time talking about how small baby boy will be compared to a big girl like here. She "helped" me fold. Then I proceeded to wait until she napped so I could actually fold everything.

Speaking of clothing, I went to Old Navy today and found some more subdued and neutral baby boy clothing, yay! I'm sure I will be spamming Instagram with said outfits when he marches on the scene.

And it's official. It's finally happened. I have officially begun catching food and crumbs on my stomach. It's usually cereal. Lucky Charms to be exact. 

Paul and I have been trying to narrow down baby names. I have two favorites so far. He's still undecided. Although he thinks any variation of "Paul" is a perfectly fine name. Mmkaynothanks. ;]

"Not look. Not care."

And some other fun belly stats. 

24 weeks
How far along: 24 weeks exactly
Total weight gain: About 8 pounds.
Maternity clothes: Both regular and maternity. I'm making it work.
Stretch marks: Nope, but some itchy dry skin.
Sleep: I have to get up to pee a lot.
Miss anything: Margaritas and oysters. Random, I know.
Movement: OH YES.
Food cravings: All the dessert in the whole world. Like right now.
Aversions: Veggies. Most meat.
Sex: Oh boy.
Symptoms: Backaches, allergies, constantly needing to pee, itchy skin.
Belly button: Flat, neither in nor out.
Wedding rings: Still fitting but the swelling is starting. The hotter weather is contributing.
Happy or moody: Happy happy joy joy. And just so in love with my family.
Looking forward to: Holding my sweet babe in my arms.

Well I just put Emma down for a nap so I will be enjoying the few moments of solitude. And folding more baby laundry.

Emma at 25 weeks.

Around here

A nurturing toddler, a growing belly, and marveling at this little family.

A playful soul and the messes that come along with it. 

An occasional spell of tantrums, sleep loss, and a much needed ice cream pick-me-up.

An independent lady with a sassy streak.

A special bond and all those memorable moments, both calm and incredibly wild. 

20 Weeks

LIVIN' ON A PRAYER! 

(You know, 'cause we're halfway there. Original is my middle name.)

But seriously, we made it to the halfway point! 20 weeks ya'll! Well it could be halfway. Or just shy of halfway if we go past the due date. Or over halfway if the peanut pops out before the due date. Or... ugh math. Never mind. 

I have been feeling much better the past few weeks until two nights ago where a viral bug hit our household. Long story short, I was sick all night and needed IV fluids Wednesday morning, but I am feeling much better. Whew! Thank God for hospitals that have saved my butt multiple occasions thus far. Now I'll be perfectly okay with not seeing the hospital again until the baby is ready to pop on the scene. 

You hear me body?

Moving along. This baby is a mover! Holy moly, the wiggles and twists and kicks this baby has managed at a whopping 13 ounces is astounding. Paul and I were able to see the kicks last night from the outside, wee! 

The nesting has also started. On Monday I was convinced, absolutely convinced that every piece of furniture in the house had to be moved around but luckily the only help I had was Emma. And she actually was no help at all so everything stayed just where it is. But I am envisioning where I want the pack and play to go and where the baby clothes and changing table will be come August. I promised myself I will wait a little while longer to set everything up. Until then I can just obsess over Emma's things until we are ready for number two. 

And of course, the moment we've all been waiting for...

OH BOY! 

We are having a little boy and we are so happy! I had no preference, but when we heard, "It's a boy!" I just knew that he was meant to be ours. I can picture this perfect little person. 

Oh joy!

Our anatomy ultrasound was wonderful today. Emma and Paul went with me and I just loved watching the woman scan every body part. The toes! The femur! The most perfect kidneys! Oh look, an alien brain! 

But my favorite part was the perfect little profile shot. Thumb in the mouth and all.

I am just so happy. I look up to the sky and just thank God for my good fortune with this incredible family of mine. 

20 weeks
How far along: 20 weeks, 1 day. 
Total weight gain: Well, I just have no idea.
Maternity clothes: Yes for comfort but not necessary. I love my belly band though. 
Stretch marks: No new ones so far.
Sleep: Insomnia On and off and the craziest dreams imaginable. 
Miss anything: All the wine. 
Movement: Feeling consistent movement throughout the day. This one is a mover.
Food cravings: Popsicles, pastries, anything vinegary.
Aversions: Cologne, orange scented anything.
Sex: BOYYYYY.
Symptoms: Sore back, trouble sleeping on my back, grunting when having to bend, headaches.
Belly button: Still an innie.
Wedding rings: Still fitting just fine, not loose, not tight.
Happy or moody: Just so happy. 
Looking forward to: More belly growth and stronger movements and Emma enjoying the belly kicks.

Emma at 20 weeks.
Emma's a girl!